Working on yourself and becoming who you truly are is a lifelong process. New knowledge and new experiences change you every day. You’re not the same person you were yesterday and you will not be the same tomorrow. If you use your growth right, this is a good thing. Becoming better, stronger and smarter is a choice. Change is inevitable, but progress is up to you. It’s how you deal with change and it’s the meaning you give it that will determine your progress.
People don’t like change. They want what they’re used to, even if it’s bad for them. They want that comfort of certainty and familiarity. I know this, because I lived like this for years and I still battle these challenges to this day. Although I’ve grown so much and I’m trying to become my full, true, authentic self, there’s still that ego and fear that stand strong together to fight me. Too often, they’re also being empowered by people around us. What I’ve learned is that people don’t want you to change either. It’s not comfortable for them. They’ll make you doubt yourself; they’ll make you feel guilty. If you set boundaries, if you say “no”, if you stand up for yourself, if you choose your own happiness before their own, they will battle you and try to knock you down. You have to prepare for the fact that sometimes finding yourself means losing others and that’s ok. You are not responsible for other people’s happiness. People who truly love you will let you grow, they’ll let you be who you really are, they will celebrate your victories and be happy for your happiness. I’m still learning this…
When I was 18 years old, I reached the best possible state of mind I ever had. Due to earlier life struggles, I had just enough life experience to feel invincible, but still not even close enough life experience to be afraid. I felt unstoppable and wasn’t afraid or ashamed to make that very well known. Soon after, people happened, relationships happened, responsibilities happened…life happened. The fire within me was slowly put out. I learned to talk, behave and be the way other people expected me to. I’d do basically anything to avoid any kind of criticism. I didn’t go through with things I wanted, so others would be at peace. I see a lot of people, especially women, do the same thing, but they’re comfortably in denial. I got strong enough to acknowledge this and do something about it. Your own truth and vulnerability is a gift you own to yourself. It will set you free. Don’t let the ego fool you.
So, eventually, the fire in me was too strong to be put out. I'm basically becoming my 18 year old self again, but with a lot of life experience. I won’t behave, talk and be a certain way; I won’t be silent and hide my feelings, so people will be comfortable. I won’t let people determine who I should or shouldn’t be, say or not say, think or not think and feel or not feel. I won’t be expecting others to do so either. When I don’t like something about someone, I will simply avoid their presence. Let people be who they are at all times. If they’re bringing you good vibes, celebrate them, appreciate them and support them. If not, distance yourself, but let them be. You are responsible for your own personal space and the energy in it. Don’t blame others for bad energy if it’s you who allows it.
Be your true self and you will attract people who are comfortable around you and won’t have the need to change you. Compromise is sometimes necessary, sure, but not if you have to compromise who you really are. Relationships are about freedom of individual growth. It’s not about molding yourself into someone else’s vision of you. Don’t be afraid to disappoint other people, because you’ll pay the price of disappointing yourself. Don’t take life so serious, because it’s really not. We’re here to play and be happy. Don’t wake up at 80 yrs old, wishing you did and said things you wanted. Wishing you weren’t afraid to be who you really are.
So who is the true, raw, pure YOU? Without your job, without your status, without your partner, without your kids, without any external things you identify with. Ask yourself and be honest: are you really happy or are you just really comfortable?
Have a great week!